Gone
by rubberduckie16
Summary: Last night was slowly coming back to you vaguely. You look around, everything felt empty. Something’s missing but you can’t place it. Addek. Well, Derek, really.


A/N: This is a one shot fic and it's kind of pointless. I'm working on Fix You right now too, but i'm kinda not in the mood for happy things. So yes, anyways, here it is. Please review.

Disclaimer: i do not own Grey's Anatomy.

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Gone

Derek Shepherd is an unfortunate man, and the sad thing is he doesn't even realize it. Not until now, at least. He woke up with a pounding headache. He was still wearing what he was wearing the previous night. And he definitely smelled like alcohol. Last night was slowly creeping back to his memory. It was all coming back, but not really. It was so vague. There's a missing piece and you can't put it in place. He looked around. _Something's different_ he thought. He looked at the other side of the bed looking for his wife, who'd usually occupy the spot. Nothing. She wasn't there. He sighed. _Maybe she got called in. _He got up and steadied himself when a wave of queasiness overcame his body. _Damn hangover_. He walked to the kitchen and made coffee and went to the bathroom. He looked around, s_**omething** is going on, there's **something** wrong_. He shrugged it off, _maybe not_.

He got ready, then something caught his eye. He opened the envelope and scanned through it. Divorce papers, definitely. He looked at the bottom of the page and saw his wife's legible signature. No note, no explanations, just a signature. He looked around again, _that's what's missing, Addison's things, Addison, she's the one missing. Her stuffs are all gone. She's **gone**._ It took a moment to register. His alcohol fried brain wasn't functioning at all. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to think.

_Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's not gone. Maybe she's just at work. And I'm just thinking that she's gone. _Or maybe Derek Shepherd needs to accept the fact that he drove Addison away. He poured coffee into his thermos and took his suitcase with him and walked to his car and drove to the hospital.

He walked faster to the chief's office. He definitely has the answers to where Addison really is.

"Chief" he said breathlessly.

"Shepherd" the older man said with a cold glare

"Was Addison paged in early this morning?" He asked trying to act nonchalant

"No, she's gone, Derek. She's fed up. She's **gone**" he said emphasizing _gone_.

"What do you mean gone?"

"Gone, meaning, not here"

"She left?"

"You're a brain surgeon. You're a smart person. I bet you understand the word gone" the chief said agitatedly

"She didn't say goodbye" He said silently

"She thinks it wouldn't matter" he said aloofly

"Of course it does" he said taking a step forward and sat on the seat in front of the chief's desk.

"Coming from a man, who is exceedingly inadequate"

"What are you trying to say?" Derek asked

"I called you noble. I praised you"

"You don't know what you're saying"

"Maybe I don't" Richard said and leaned back on his chair

"Do you know where she is?" Richard leaned forward again.

"That, I do not know"

"She's not coming back?" Derek asked again

"No, she's not" The older man said sadly. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"She has a contract"

"The father in me couldn't let her stay with you…..and Meredith Grey" Derek's head shot up with the mention of Meredith's name.

"What does she have to do with this?"

"Don't act dim with this, Derek. Your wife is not blind. Your wife is not stupid. And you're wife is not up for martyrdom unlike mine. Addison can prove to you that she's independent. She can live without you. So stop being so damn cocky in thinking that Addison followed you all the way here because she can't live without you" he looked at him firmly "Addison followed you asking for forgiveness and another chance. You agreed to it, and yet you still treated her like complete shit. She moved here because she loves you, and believe it or not, she's tired of being treated like this"

Derek stared at Richard. Addison was really gone.

"She's gone, Derek. You blew it. She made way for you and Meredith. She told me you deserve to be happy. And clearly, you weren't happy with her. She's tired of the resentment you've been giving her. She's _gone_. And she's not sorry at all for leaving without a goodbye"

Derek sighed. He stood up and walked away.

Was Addison really gone? _Gone as in I'll never see her again? _

The thought sounded good to him. Okay, maybe not. But now he's free. He's going to be with Meredith.

But the idea of losing Addison was still lingering in his mind. Life without Addison, how would that be?

He walked into the trailer that night and a picture displayed on their living room/kitchen/dining room caught his eye. It was one of him and Addison that has been displayed there since Addison moved to Seattle. It was a picture of them way back during the happier state of their marriage. He smiled. She was beautiful. They were happy. How did they end up like this?

He opened the cupboard and took a bottle of scotch. He swallowed the fluid burning his throat_. No Addison to tell me I've had enough. No shoes scattered on the floor after a long day's work. No more expensive clothes scattered. No more endless nagging. No more "I love you's"_ even though he never says it back, he feels good hearing it. No more hot sex, even though he kept on denying that it was still hot. Basically, there's no more Addison. And right now, he doesn't see it as a good thing.

Why did he stop noticing Addison? Why did he stop caring? Those are the same questions his been asking himself.

He simply looked around. Now it's clearer. He can point out what is gone, even the littlest thing. But the biggest thing that he noticed that was gone was that woman who was usually lying in bed sleeping while he was drinking thinking about another woman, that woman who took care of him no matter what, that woman who wanted to be loved by him, that woman who he truly loves.

He swallowed the remaining liquor from the glass and crawled to bed clutching his wife's pillow.

Addison is **gone**. And it's his entire fault.

The next day, he walked in to work and received glares at people. Sympathetic? Anger? Annoyed? He wasn't sure. Gossip spreads faster than disease in this hospital. And he's pretty sure that whatever gossip the nurses formulated about Addison's disappearance is now known in the whole hospital.

How do you move on just like that, without goodbyes, without closure? He messed up his chance. He once again took her for granted. Now the old Derek in him is screaming in pain for Addison. A side of him needs Addison, no matter how much he denies it.

Now all he could think about is Addison. When he closes his eyes, he sees Addison.

His patient looked at him straight in the eye. He looked at her too.

_Her eyes, they're like Addison's._

"Someone you really love left you" the patient said quietly. Derek's eyes widened "Sorry, I know it's none of my business, but I couldn't help it. It's just obvious"

"Yeah" he said simply

"You did something you regret that made her leave?" _how the… _

Meredith, the intern assigned to him today, just stood by the door watching as the attending tend to his patient.

"Uh, we're going to take you up for some tests…" Derek trailed off. After briefing the patient, he walked to the door on his way out.

"Doesn'tit always seem to go that you don't know what you got until it's gone?" the patient said. He looked up to her. Her words playing in his thoughts. She's right.

You don't know what you got until it's _gone_.

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End. And i do not own that last line, either. So yes, please review. 


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